At the end of last week, I told my husband “Whew, I felt like a MOM COACH all week!”
It was one of those weeks where coaching mindsets and emotions was a MUST. But it got me thinking about ONE common practice I was doing to help influence and encourage my kids during their “meltdown moments.”
Whether I’m coaching my kids, coaching a volleyball team (in previous years) or coaching a team in business...there is ONE key strategy that is absolutely GOLDEN for leveling UP your leadership game!
- You want to be a better leader?
- You want more influence and to grow your following?
- You want your kids to listen to you better and to heed your advice?
Today’s conversation will get you THINKING *hint hint*
The SAME principles that will allow you to be an excellent mother as you steward your influence well...will be the same strategies that you can use to enhance your leadership with those on your team and those you work within business.
This episode is all about the POWER - the VALUE - of teaching others how to THINK!
LET’S STAY CONNECTED
Full Episode Transcription:
Welcome back to The Nourishing Mompreneur Podcast, where we get encouraged and empowered as we pursue our greatest potential within the walls of our home. Hey Mama, my name is Michelle Hiatt, and I'm so thankful you're here. Do you feel like your life is good, but something in you feels unfulfilled? Do you feel stuck in the trenches of motherhood, exhausted and working so hard, but feeling like you're getting nowhere? Do you have big dreams you hold in your heart, but you've been living small? Are you motivated for more, but don't have the clarity or the courage to do anything about it? Do you want to discover God's best and see if it's really possible to be an excellent wife, an intentional mother, and be successful in business, all for the glory of God? As a wife of 16 years, a homeschooling mom of five, and an entrepreneur, I know exactly how you feel. Every bit of it. I truly believe that the most important work you will ever do is within the walls of your home and that there is purpose in every season. If you are a fellow business-minded mama, with a heart for home and a love for Jesus, let's process this journey and grow together.
Today I want to talk about how to up your leadership game. If you're a mom, you're a leader. If you have friends. You're a leader. If you have a business or a side hustle of any kind you're a leader. You are a leader, whether you realize it or not. And if you're a leader, that means that you also have influence. Don't think that just because you don't have a big following or a big organization that your leadership and influence doesn't matter. Your value doesn't come from the quantity of followers but I believe that if you steward your opportunities to lead Well, the followers will come. Your impact and influence will increase and the fulfillment will bring great joy as you work to live with greater purpose all for the glory of God. But understanding that you are a leader right now, what can you do to steward that opportunity well? To level up your leadership game, if you will. I want to talk about one skill, one focus that will set you apart as an excellent leader and that is to help others learn how to think.
First I want to talk about how important this one skill is as a mother and then we'll talk about how it applies to business too. Is that cool? All right. So last week, I will tell you it was a different week for us, My mama heart was spread thin as my kids went this way and that way for camps and activities. As a work from home homeschooling mom of five with my oldest only being 13. We spend a lot of time well at home. And I'm used to my kids all being in my nest and operating primarily as a family unit. But things are beginning to change. And as the kids get older, it's just life is just looking a little bit different. So it's pulling us in more and more different directions and outside of the house. It's good it's a healthy transition but oh man, it's uncomfortable and beautiful at the same time and my heart is just adjusting so last week was a big like, adjusting moment for everybody really. Last week was all hands on deck my husband and I we played taxi drivers we had all kinds of moving parts and two kids going to two different camps on opposite sides of towns and squeezing in tutoring sessions and I took up my daughter on a one on one day in a window of time I had and a couple of sleepovers a couple nights of having dinner guests over I mean the list could go on and on just a lot of different details. of life. It was one of those weeks where there was just that extra. So I remember at the beginning of the week, over the weekend before the weekend started I sat down with the calendar trying to game plan for the week and I started getting super anxious. I needed to plan well for my family but so much of learning is really in the letting go on the trusting. So I want so much for every detail to be in order for each one of my kids. I want them to have all the snacks in the lunches and just all the things that they need. But I also understand that I can't be all things to all people I can do my part and I have to release the rest in faith. The most important thing is that the kids to me it's important that they're mentally and emotionally strong for the week so that they can have the best experience possible. As a mom, my goal is not to be supermom, but rather to set everyone up for success.
So if that resonates with you, I just want to remind you as a mom that you don't have to do it all. You don't have to do all the things the weight of the world, the weight of the state of your home, it doesn't all just rest on your shoulder. Just teach and train your children, empower them, equip them, set them up for success, but do your part and let them do their part. It'll just it just working as a team is always a better option. It's not so much about making all the things work as it is important to make sure that everyone's needs are seen and met to the best of your ability. So the biggest ones are the mental and emotional support needed. The pressure the insecurities the new situations that the kids have to navigate. I knew there would be some rocky situations to work through simply because we were entering some new territory and a few ways. Not Not that it's a problem. It's just an opportunity. So everything was amazing. Honestly, the week went wonderful. It was so much fun. But as I expected, my three oldest kids all had their moments, or basically just their meltdowns where they privately came to me and I had to wipe away the tears, help them get their head on straight and just kind of coach them out of that hit for the moment. I was prepared but these moments aren't necessarily fun to navigate. However, it's so important that as moms we embrace the moment when our kids fall apart when they struggle when they're overcome with emotions. They get tested too, and it's not about they remember in the last episode we talked about that so many of the tests we face are in our head. We're battling our own thoughts. Our kids are battling their own thoughts too. And we have this special window of opportunity while they're in our home to help them filter the world, their emotions and the thoughts that they think so that they're going to be prepared when they're launched out into the world.
So if you haven't had a chance, I just want to encourage you to go back and listen to last week's episode number 24. This conversation is loaded with so much value as I share strategies and perspectives for understanding overcoming those tests or those tough spots in our life. Last week's communication, rhythm, the rhythm that I had with my kids it kind of felt like this cycle every time a situation came up or one of my kids was having a quote moment kind of looked like this.
So, I would prepare them for a situation help them know what to expect and what to anticipate good or bad just wanting them to be as prepared as they could for it. Then they'd have their experience they needed to go through what they went through and sometimes struggled to figure it out or adapt. And then when they had a moment or they were struggling, I would meet them in their moment and help them properly process their thoughts and emotions. And then it would start all over again. So repeat that was kind of the rhythm of each conversation and what I was really doing was I was coaching or influencing my children's mindset.
When my kids were younger, I'm big on first time obedience. I think it's really important. Our kids when they're little, they don't understand everything. They don't understand why we ask them all that we ask of them or why they can't touch this or why they can't do that. They don't understand it all and that's okay. They don't have to. They just need to obey and trust their mother and their father. But as the kids get older now that I've got some preteens, you know, my kids are obedient. I could tell them do this or do that and they would do it but I care more about them wanting to do it. I want to influence their behavior. I don't want to just tell them what to do because mom said so I want to influence them to make the right choices. So influence is really important, especially as they get older. It definitely takes the main seat. I can give so many examples of situations. But here's some of the bottom lines of our conversations last week the conversations I had with my kids so hopefully, you can glean some clarity from this with those under your home and work influence. Now I'm talking more specifically about using this as a mom but remember that this applies equally to those that you work with the same principles that are gonna allow you to be an excellent mother as you steward your influence well are the same strategies that you can use to level up your leadership with those on your team and those that you work with in business. As a mompreneur, I want you to understand that there is a connection, and it's so valuable on your growth journey just to see the various aspects of life and how it all intertwine so beautifully. So, leadership leveling up strategies that are also golden for conflict resolution to these are what I use and what I implemented last week with my kids just kind of organically in my relationship with them.
So the first thing is to listen, reflect on what they're saying, and make sure that you're hearing them correctly. So when my children talk to me or they come to me with something, I really tried to pause, drop everything and really was trying to listen to make sure I heard them correctly and then I would repeat it back so they would know that I heard them and you know, it's funny sometimes that maybe our children just hearing back what they're telling us. It'll help them realize maybe how ridiculous they're feeling or thinking just saying just saying, but let your kids know that they're seen and heard, validate their emotions and sympathize your kids will be more likely to come talk to you. If they feel like you actually listen. When you can try to understand their heart you'll have clarity as a mother and as a leader to influence them in the right way. So listen.
Alright, the second thing is, once you get clarity and you can hear what they're saying, hear what's on their heart. Hear their perspective. We've got to help them weed out the lies and get to the root of their emotions. How we feel is not always a true reflection of reality. So as a mom, we got to help our kids paint the bigger picture, filtered by truth point them to the truth which is the word of God. God's wisdom always going to trump your opinion every time so always point them back there, but help them kind of get clarity on some of the thoughts that are just not true. They're just not right. They're just not accurate. And they've also got to understand that their response is a choice. You can't control the circumstances, but you can always decide how you're going to respond and show up. So with my kids, I would kind of let them know in a situation. Alright, so what you're telling me is this, let's talk about a best case scenario. What would that look like? Okay, let's talk about a worst case scenario. What would that look like? What difference that make to you, meaning, no matter what the situation whether it's the best thing or the worst thing you're the same. It's not really a big deal because you're the same and at the end of the day, you have to decide who you're going to be no matter what anybody else does. No matter what the circumstances show, you have a choice to make. And you have to choose your response. And I would tell them to decide beforehand, decide beforehand to be your best self, no matter what, so that the circumstances don't dictate who we are, and how we respond.
Forgiveness. Okay, forgiveness is a weapon. That was another big theme, talking to my children last week. Sometimes having clarity isn't good enough to penetrate the frustration of the offense that your child is feeling. And that's okay. You can't make their heart decide to believe that what you're saying is true. Meaning that sometimes you may paint the picture and bring truth to light, but you just can't talk sense into them. They're just mad, they're hurt. They're offended. So what do you do in this situation? Well, you've got to just walk them through forgiveness. Sometimes our kids need to forgive others. And often they need to forgive themselves. Encourage them to release everything through prayer. So some things I would do with my kids is tell them to find some quiet time help them have a quiet space because we had a lot of people around and my kids that are more introverted tend to get drained and they could just start to crumble. When there's just not enough like, like alone time to regenerate. So have them take a deep breath, help them get outside in nature, take a walk is redirect their focus. Help them to take their emotions and what they're feeling to forgive to release it through prayer and just to redirect them to take a break, take a breather, get outside, and just kind of physically change their flow and their situation. And always remember, as a mom, pray for your kids. There were so many conversations that I felt like I just ended and I just prayed for them. I pray for their heart. I prayed for the situation. How someone else feels is always more important than proving that you're right. They may not understand but they can always choose to forgive and as their mother and their leader, you can ask that they simply trust you. It's like Hey, baby. I know that you feel this way. But you have to trust me that what I'm telling you or what I'm saying is true. And that you're not completely seeing clearly trust my heart in this. And let's just walk through this. Let's forgive. Let's release this. Let's move on.
All through the week, there is a little phrase that I found myself repeatedly say and it's like a baby sounding baby ish phrase, I should say. But you know what, it was simple and it was true and I would kind of mutter under my breath when I would see an attitude or one of my kids slipping in some way. But I would just say "good thoughts make good attitudes." I would say "good thoughts make you feel good," reminding them on how to think so much of parenting and leading our children as they get older is teaching them how to think because their thoughts are going to determine how they view themselves, how they view others, how they view God, how they view the world. Thoughts our children think will shape them and who they become so steward your leadership as a mother with great care. Leadership is not just about leading by example. It's not just about giving great instructions and managing well. It's not just about solving problems. One of the things that will really set you apart as a great leader is to teach others how to think. So you want influence? So you want impact? You want to be a person of value? Help others process life properly, and it all starts at home. Isn't that awesome?
As moms, we have the opportunity all the time to help our kids navigate their thoughts and emotions and when they're faced with new situations, let the pressing produce good fruit. Let the struggles facilitate growth and maturity. Let the tears make way for clarity and release. Let the moments of testing be an opportunity to grow closer and to connect with that son or daughter of yours.
So let's talk about the power of teaching others to think for maybe the big people in our life or with those that we work with sometimes that can be even the most challenging thing. We can't just say "hey, well, I'm your mom, because I said so" it's like no, actually we're dealing with an adult here. So it's a little more challenging and complex. But addressing the thought and the mindset in business is so valuable. We know that we know how important it is for us but how can we do this for other people too. I was talking about my conversations with my children.
The first thing I mentioned was the importance of listening, right, listening to our kids when they come and they tell us something, but I guess I should back up and add one more golden or key strategy to influence influencing those that you work with is to start by asking more questions instead of telling what to do. Asking questions of others is a powerful tool for influence and it takes more courage than you realize. Great leadership has nothing to do with your personality. You may feel like "Oh, I'm not going to be a good leader because I can't public speak or I'm this or that or I don't look this way. I don't have this or that." No, great leadership- it doesn't have anything to do with your personality, but it's your strategy that's most important. So Be humble. Be curious and just ask for what you want or need asking is a very great tool as to understand and to show the other person that you value their feedback. Don't just show a person and tell them what to do. Ask them. Listen and then tell them your instructions or go from there. Great Leaders ask lots of questions, period. It pens up the opportunity for you to listen and to direct another person how to think. As the saying goes, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care and asking questions. It's not just a strategy to influence a situation or a specific outcome. It's a strategy to influence a person because you can check in with how they feel. So ask, listen, connect with the other person, see how they feel and think about a situation and know that feelings matter. Because everyone wants to feel like they're making a difference. You want to coach your team well to their emotions, tell them how to think and you'll tell them how to feel. You can greatly influence the outcome and output of your team by addressing the inner game.
I actually had a dream a few nights ago. I used to coach volleyball back in the day and I haven't thought about it in so many years but I had this dream that I was coaching volleyball, and we were in the final game of the season. And we were doing really bad we were way behind and the chances of my team our team coming back were very unlikely the head coach started putting in the bench players to kind of let them have one last experience on the court. So a timeout was called and everybody came together and the energy and the attitude of everyone was so sad was so sad. And in this dream I was the assistant coach so I sat back and was observing the situation and the girls demeanor and was letting the coach kind of take control do her thing. It was the end of the game end of the season. One of the last timeouts I mean, this was an important moment and she just didn't do anything. She wasn't saying anything. So finally, in true, Michelle fashion, I stepped up and I asked to speak and I told the girls I said remember a time when you serve the ball and you got an ace or a time when you spiked the ball and you just nailed it. Remember a time when you dove on the floor and saved a play? Remember how you felt in that moment? How excited how pumped up how confident you felt? Think on that, think on that time and finish the game with the same attitude, with the same confidence that you would have if you were 10 points ahead and you're nailing it every play. You are that star player.
Listen friends, wherever you're at wherever you land on the scoreboard, it doesn't matter as much as how you show up to the game and even your monthly check the bonus for a job well done. It's just the scoreboard it's not the source of who you are. But let your attitude and your thoughts be superior and strong so that no matter what the circumstances look like, you can hold your head up high knowing that you gave your best, your best to the end. You didn't count yourself out or seal your sorrow by having some stinking thinking or some improper thoughts.
I used to coach girls in volleyball. It was crazy because it literally was like probably 30% skill coaching and 70% mental and emotional. Girls are just so emotional and guess what we grow up and we still have emotions, women, we are emotional and business is emotional, it really is. That's why we have to really address the inner game work on our thoughts and help others do the same. All grown up now but life is not all that different. If you're leading a team in any capacity, your coach to whether you realize it or not, not just a leader but a coach. So when we go to attack, a business endeavor or a goal of ours, how we think is powerful. It's how we show up to the game and it also determines how we feel about ourselves and the situation. Now I'm not saying to quote mind over matter everything. I'm saying that your feelings, how you feel about your work, your marriage, your home, it matters and the best way that you can nurture those feelings of success and fulfillment. Not only your success, but your success as a leader is to control your thoughts and teach others to do the same. All that to say that teaching others how to think whether it's your children or someone you work with in business is a valuable skill to level up as a leader and increase your influence.
I gave you some of my ideas on how I do this at my own home. But what does God say about it? How can you control your thoughts and help others do the same? First of all, at the end of the day, it's really a choice and God is the one that gives us the strength to do it.
2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We destroy arguments in every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ."
We've got to make a choice. We have to choose to take every thought captive to obey Christ. It's not something that just happens. It's not something that instinctually just transpires we have to actually take our thoughts when we feel offended when we feel upset when we're having any kind of negative emotion. We need to stop and identify what is going on. What is that thought what is what is the root of this and take it captive and get it gone. Really what it has to do with just throwing it laid at the feet of Jesus and so much is pride. It says we destroy arguments and every lofty opinion. Lofty pain is just pride. One of the things that I've been so aware of and learning so much in my own personal life is that so much of sin. It really roots back to two things. It's fear and it's pride. It's fear and it's pride. It's just the common thread of everything and pride. I've never thought of myself as like a prideful person. I'm not like arrogant. I don't feel like I am but man, you've realized that pride is the root of so much sin, most sin it's crazy. So if we're just humble enough to recognize, "oh my goodness, I'm offended." Do I really have a right to be offended or just recognize our pride in the situation? When we're frustrated or we're going through something? We can maybe help the other person recognize and identify where the root of where their emotion is coming from. We can handle it we can destroy that thing. And we can make the choice to take that thought captive and laid at the feet of Jesus and submit it to him and humble ourselves before Him.
Philippians 4:8 says "And now dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right and pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."
This is an awesome strategy straight from the Word of God. Focus on good there is always going to be good things to focus on in our life and hard things to focus on. We've talked about this before but it is amazing how in life it just coincides. You can be in grief. You can be struggling you can be going through hard moments but at the same time. There's so much to be thankful for. There's so much beautiful things and there's so many awesome things happening at the same time. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Life doesn't work that way it can coexist together the good and the hard. But at the end of the day we get to choose what we focus on. God tells us in His Word to fix our thoughts on the things that are true and honorable and right and pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and we're worthy of praise. So as we help others know how to think them to think on these things. Extend gratitude. Gratitude is so key and so important. For all of us. So I'll stop here. And I'm always just wanting to remind you to stand on the Word of God as the absolute truth in your life. I just there's no better way to end it than with that. With his truth with God's truth. It'll transform your mind and it's the ultimate key to help others do the same. So teach others to think and you will grow as a leader, you will grow in influence and the goal is to give God the glory for that process and appoint others to him. So let me pray for you today.
Before we go Father God, I just thank you so much for the mom listening. Thank you for this conversation. I pray that you would just clothe her with wisdom, God, clothe her with wisdom as a mother as she raises her children help her to be attentive to the thoughts and the feelings that her kids have. That she would seize those moments, those struggling those moments of frustration where she's just like, "oh my gosh, you're being so ridiculous." And you just want to pull your hair out with your child that that she would just have the grace to stop to slow down to really listen and hear what they're saying and to take it as an opportunity to embrace that moment of struggle to help them think properly to filter life through the Word of God to filter life through truth and to equip and empower them to handle the situation that they're in. To grow as a person to be the best that they can no matter what God or what am I just pray for her influence in business. I pray that you would just expand her territory and bless her indeed, as you see fit, Lord, that she would just focus on you and doing things your way and just trust your process God. Lord, I pray that You would just give her opportunities to help teach the big people in her life how to think that she would be able to leave a great impact through that and that you would give her wisdom to handle and navigate every situation God, thank you so much for all that you're doing in our lives. Lord, we just keep the glory and honor today and I pray that our hearts will be full of gratitude as we move forward. In Jesus name I pray Amen.
Hey Mama real quick, before you run off and do all the things, if you found value in today's conversation it would mean the world to me if you left a review on my podcast. I know you know how precious time is. The biggest thing that you can give me for taking the time to share on this podcast is to leave a written review. This helps me on my mission to encourage and empower others who are pursuing their greatest potential from home.
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